Well 4 weeks ago today I took the first step & rang Tina on Melanie’s team. Poor Tina she must have thought I was as mad as a hatter & had to put up with me breaking down & sobbing for most of the call, but what a turning point for the first time in years I was asking for help. Tina was a saviour! Like I have said before I felt like she had literally taken me by the hand & someone out there was prepared to help me.Just sent off another load of creditor’s letters to Melanie at this rate she will need to have an extension built to house my post. Well 4 weeks on & I think Melanies team have all the information so it is a waiting game trying to get on with life being as positive as possible whilst worried to death.I can only describe the IVA as being on a roller coaster of emotions. I still get a bit tearful but this forum also helps me get through that part of the day. 

Just got an email from Andy to say I have won the Bol of the Month award & £100 in M & s vouchers. I was so excited I actually jumped up & down. With the vouchers I intend to buy my sister & best friend a lovely bunch of flowers to say thank you as they are both lending me large sums of money to help me with my offer of a F & F . I then intend to buy a bottle of M & S fizzy  & save it for for hubby & I when my IVA goes through (postive thinking here) and also send my boys who are at uni a voucher each to buy a nice meal & lastly my daughter has seen a handbag!!!. It is the least I can do after the hell i have put them all through. What is left put in my christmas tin.

Figured out how to post so uploaded a few I am afraid. Again I apologise to everyone as this blog is really an outlet & journal to me and if it bores people please skip it.

 

 

Just taken my first exam in computerised accounting, hope all went well. Having spoken to Melanie’s team my file seems to be nearly complete having 95% of the info so I am another step nearer. Having those feelings of what ifs like most of you I too am scared of what if I get rejected. I think like I have read it is all part of the process of the emotional side of an IVA. Slept well last night which was great as my sleeping has been terrible for years especially last year.

I know I am a long way off a result but I do feel so much better now I have Melanie’s team helping me I do not feel so alone anymore & that help is at hand. Also this forum is full of help & inspiration. I love to hear of not just the success stories but all the others that everyone can relate to & it is a comfort to read that what I am going through & feeling is quite normal (even if I am not).

What has come back to me (no Mrs Angry has subsided) is my love & appreciation of music. I find that it can really put a smile on my face.

Well I hope you all have a great weekend especially the mums. I find I do not miss my mum as much on mothers day as my birthday. Weird!

Hi all 

Sorry if I keep updating but this blog is a bit of a journal to me. If I babble on please ignore me 

Nearly back to my positive self today, apologies for the last post very depressing! Been comfort eating a bit this week so must stop that as I have lost 1 stone & aim to lose another over the summer. My daughter has been offered 2 places at university, can not imagine what it will be like with all 3 of them at uni. Feel very proud of them! 

Do any of you find it is best to keep really busy to take your mind of the situation especially whilst waiting and going through the IVA process? I actually cleaned the windows the other day this was gasped at by everyone of course taking the Mickey out of me. 

The one thing I do feel now all the lies are out & I have no secrets is I definitely feel a nicer person & have time to talk to people & smile and find myself laughing. I am not that intense maniac obsessed with the markets anymore. I also drive a lot slower and do not have the anger & frustration I had. Of course it has been replaced with fear & realisation of how I got here & what do I do?First part still figuring out 2nd part I made the call so I am doing something. 

Everywhere I look gambling/betting is sponsoring programmes this will eventually lead to nothing but sorrow for most people 

Again apologies for blabbing but this is good therapy for me writing it all down and I do not want to waffle too much on the main thread. 

Well 3 weeks on & I have sent off all the info to Melanies team. Now the waiting game. In the meantime I am finding the guilt very hard to bear but my hubby is being a great support. God only knows why after what I have done. I am hoping to do a F & F settlement & hubby is willing to help me the only stipulation was changing the tel number as the silent calls were driving him mad and; he said he hated the thought when he was at work of me taking horrible calls. I thought I deserved them really but after all he has put up with & will have to help me with it was the least I could do.
It was my Sons 20th Birthday and; My Daughters 18th last week. Felt a bit down as I could not afford to really splash out like I wanted to. But we all enjoyed it all the same.Unfortunately we have a very bad family history of cancer & strokes in fact all my family apart from my brother and; sister have died from one or the other. 2 weeks ago my brother had 4 minor stokes, luckily enough he has no outward physical effects but it has really knocked the stuffing out of him big time he seems to be unable to do much at all.All of a sudden I seem to have developed high blood pressure going from an average 120/80 to 140/90 then at the weekend 160/105 . Back to the Dr’s tomorrow. I know it is from all the stress of this debt problem.Sorry for the depressing post, I promise to be cherrier next time.

 

 

Well here it goes I have had top pluck up courage to write this .

I have been following the forum for a bit & I have to say a big thank you to Debbie who after reading her advice to another member about telling her husband encouraged me to do the same.

I am only telling my story in-case there are any others out there who were in my situation. I have carried this now for 2 years & it has at times been unbearable.

 

I am ashamed as unlike others knew exactly where all my debt has come from unfortunately. It all started a long time ago when I started trading the stock market. Obviously firstly I started small but got bigger as time went on and had my first real shock whilst trading oil. Wham a huge loss I could not sleep for the feeling of sheer sickness but of course my trusty old credit cards were there to plunge some more money into my trading account so I could wait for the trade to come back to me. Of course they never do. This went on until I had to take a 2^nd mortgage out. But it did not quite cover all my losses so I carried on just to try to re-coup a few grand. That was January 2007 a year later & I have debts again on credit cards of 100K and loans of approx 40K.

 

I am so racked with guilt it is making me ill! My hubby has been supportive but that almost makes the guilt worse. The kids all just adults are appalled at what I have done but to them it is only money after all they say, they do not really understand the seriousness of it. Thank God. They still say what the heck we still love you even if we do think you have gone mad. My hubby is still in disbelief & shock!

 

I would like to say I feel relief at stopping trading which I did late December but I dare not feel relief as I do not yet feel that my guilt should be so easily relieved. I can honestly say I am not addicted as I dropped it like a hot brick & not thought about it since. I would never gamble on a poker site or any other kind of internet site. That is where trading is different as it becomes your job therefore you do not really class it as a form of gambling but it is.  I was not addicted but obsessed with trying to make up my losses and pay my creditors. I never thought it would come to this

 

As most of us debtors we are usually quite smart people who have done something stupid. I have always run my own businesses successfully then trading came along I really wish I had never started. I do not think it was the thrill as much as the enjoyment of the knowledge of all the analysis that I enjoyed.

 

The one thing that annoys me is that although I am 100% accountable for what I have done I wish the credit cards companies had flagged me as a potential risk instead they just kept increasing my limits. They could see where all the money was going into a spread-betting company every day/week sometimes thousands at a time. Also the spread-betting companies should also flag risky customers like I was. But of course that is where they all make their money from. I can only see debts like mine growing as people use there credit cards more for online gambling. All it would have taken would have been a phone call from the credit cards & banks to have stopped me as I was just waiting to get caught really.

 

Well I have taken the first step & contacted Melanie’s office & spoke to Tina who has truly been great. I felt like a child who has just been taken by the hand to help & lead me forward. Tina has really perked me up & I feel so much better for speaking to her.

 

 

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