I travelled up to Cardiff today to have my meeting with Melanie set off at 7.15am & just got home at 17.30pm so a longish day but It was great to meet face to face a huge advantage to both of us.

Well onwards & upwards

Feeling quite positive on the whole today. Monday yuk!What a horrid Monday, daughter failed her driving test & was very upset. It costs so much £58 for test & £40 for car for 2 hours as we live a fair way away. It is such a shame as she is ready just nerves on the day like most of us. Got a nasty letter from Amex solicitors. Angela just said ignore it & pop it in the post.
AS you know I try my best to not listen to any news on the markets or the economy but I can hardly miss it at the moment. I could not help feeling a very slight regret that I had not held my positions trading as I had been saying for about a year I thought the markets would tumble which they did but I had to stop before it happened Just so annoying really .Knowing me I would have probably been contrarian and wanted to buy a falling knives. Hubby says I would have just run up more debt which is the truth really.Feeling a bit nervous about meeting Melanie next week and having to explain face to face how I got into this dreadful mess. I know she is not judgemental & here to help me but I do feel like such a failure. Glad I am going up on the train & not driving.Bad news about my car but getting sorted on transport now. I am going to do my first sale on EBay & sell it for spare parts. Plus cash Tax in & start a little savings car tin with proceeds.Good news is my brother has been given all clear for a major op to go ahead but he has to wait for 3 months .Well it is a lovely sunny morning, cold here . A little robin is perched on my window peeping at me. Put a big smile on my face, simple things like this I now really appreciate in life.As always the forum has been a god send so many wonderful people. 

I have my appointment to meet Melanie, was booked on the 24^th forgot it was bank holiday and Melanie works hard enough so changed my train ticket to 25^th instead. Had a barny with Cross Country Trains as they charged me more to change the ticket that it actually was. I thought train would be better as my head is not in the right place for a long drive & it will give me time to think about the meeting. Looking forward to it as it seems to be the next step forward.Well not teary today just very tired. I have not slept properly for about 4 years, even now i still end up in spare room or sofa but I in the last week I have gone the other way & all I want to do is sleep I went to sleep at 8.30pm the other night & slept for 10 hours. I can not even remember doing that as a child. Problem is I still feel tired all the time. I have been reading on the forum about others with sleep problems it really is awful. I always said that if I got my sleep I can tackle anything but even with the better sleep I am getting I feel very very tired. I expect it is years of sleepless nights worrying about the dreaded markets. I held it all together so well for so long I got used to it.A trading friend rang me the other day, she is doing just what I was chasing her tail getting nowhere fast only deeper into debt. I encouraged her to stop before she got into debt as bad as me. I really hope she does. When I put down the phone I actually pitied her as she was still in denial thinking that it will all come good in the end, (which it never does)

Awful weather & hubby rained off which is bad news as he is self employed no work no pay. He works in most weather but yesterday was dangerous (up scaffolding near a cliff)

My brother gets his results today at the hospital so all fingers crossed. XX

Received my vouchers yesterday and gave the kids £10 each and saved the other £70 for special occasions through the year.How nice to know that I have them there ready.

Thanks again to Andy & his admin team

Well I feel a lot better today  thank god

Bad Day today having a guilt trip from hell. Teary again I am afraid.
My son came home last night from uni. He had his car broken into at the weekend & they stole his laptop & bag & Sat Nav. He had only left it on the road whilst he got changed & grabbed a sarni. He had only just finished paying for his laptop last month. On top of that he has lent a house mate a large sum of his student loan as they were in a real mess & they have done a runner & he is struggling like mad.
So today is a “If I had not done what I did then I would be able to help him out” as it is I am unable to. As usual I am fighting the dreaded guilt I hope this subsides eventually!

Good news is he has cleared his credit card & overdraft with working. I think my situation has put the fear of god into my kids about credit.
What a mess! I know you should not wish your life away but I can not wait to get my IVA sorted & start a fresh I hope.

Well 4 weeks ago today I took the first step & rang Tina on Melanie’s team. Poor Tina she must have thought I was as mad as a hatter & had to put up with me breaking down & sobbing for most of the call, but what a turning point for the first time in years I was asking for help. Tina was a saviour! Like I have said before I felt like she had literally taken me by the hand & someone out there was prepared to help me.Just sent off another load of creditor’s letters to Melanie at this rate she will need to have an extension built to house my post. Well 4 weeks on & I think Melanies team have all the information so it is a waiting game trying to get on with life being as positive as possible whilst worried to death.I can only describe the IVA as being on a roller coaster of emotions. I still get a bit tearful but this forum also helps me get through that part of the day. 

Just got an email from Andy to say I have won the Bol of the Month award & £100 in M & s vouchers. I was so excited I actually jumped up & down. With the vouchers I intend to buy my sister & best friend a lovely bunch of flowers to say thank you as they are both lending me large sums of money to help me with my offer of a F & F . I then intend to buy a bottle of M & S fizzy  & save it for for hubby & I when my IVA goes through (postive thinking here) and also send my boys who are at uni a voucher each to buy a nice meal & lastly my daughter has seen a handbag!!!. It is the least I can do after the hell i have put them all through. What is left put in my christmas tin.